something really interesting has happened the past few days. i've decided to listen to my internal dialogue. i think i hear it, listen to it, sometimes ignore it and a sometimes act on it. i think if it has to do with my kids, i listen. if it's something that has to get done, i listen. and then there is the dialogue that is really hard on myself. a dialogue that has been happening for so long, it's so internalized, i just digest it every time i tell my self something. the worst part about it is that i believe it. i tell my self things all the time but have noticed really bad ones when passing a mirror.
dude my butt is so big
oy why are my hips like that
when will i lose a few more pounds
work harder at the gym
the list goes on...
that's some crazy shit. hard on myself crazy. my husband always tells me that i am hard on myself and i just would kind of ignore him. but i think i have hit a plateau in my journey and i am stuck. i am realizing this at the right exact time. i think i am ready to listen. i am ready to change my self talk. i find myself stopping and taking deeper breaths, trying to be gentler on myself. reminding myself how far i've come.
i now catch myself, stop, breathe and say something positive. i may not believe it yet but soon it will be my gospel; to be positive in the inside as much as i am on the outside.